Here it is. The new year. We rang in 2014 reflecting on our past year and pledging for change, right? Again, I’m torn on this tradition. I still love the opportunity for a clean slate, to take the time to focus on life and the distance that I’ve come. On the other, I don’t care much for the connection of the new year dictating these actions.
I can’t help to remember how we spent ringing in 2013. The beginning of the night was a traditional new years celebration, out to dinner and entertainment. After we came home and relieved the sitter, poured a stiff drink, and sat with just the light of our Christmas tree and discussed how difficult our upcoming year would be, and it didn’t disappoint. I don’t remember every feeling so somber and wishing that time would just stop. That 2013 would just not come. I halfheartedly made some resolutions, grasping at any chance I had for control, and tried to perk myself up with the anticipation of upcoming events. Then I had to let go and let 2013 happen.
And it happened. 2013 came hard. Much harder than expected. At the same time, 2013 made me look at life completely differently, and in a great way. The surgeries happened, and all went better than I could anticipate. I was very lucky. My trials and growth came in different parts of my life. I had some amazing gains, mostly in friendship, but some otherwise, and some devastating losses. I traveled more than I ever imagined and was able to reconnect with two people very near and dear to my heart. Not that I circled the world, but having two very young children has hindered my travel a bit. Fortunately, now I know just how important these two women are to me and I vow not to let the distance take over again. Or even to give us an excuse.
In a roundabout way, I totally unintentionally conquered my 2013 resolutions. Entering 2014, I plan to take a much more deliberate approach with myself. I need to become me again. I want that to be my journey. I realized how much I had let that go. Other roles seemed more important – mom, employee, friend, patient, etc. I really feel that my life has taken the course of going through the motions. As time and this blog, my little space in the world, progress, I want to share my 2013 with you. I had planned to do it as I lived it, but became too busy living it. Now I want to take the time for my year in review, post by post, journey by journey. I want to virtually relive each moment and see what a difference a year can make.
I’m still torn on making my resolutions for 2014. If it follows in the footsteps of 2013, it really isn’t going to make a difference. Whatever happens is going to happen regardless of whether or not I resolve it. Not to mention that it will happen however 2014 wants it to happen, not at my request or even my pace. I also don’t want to lose sight of what is important to me. To carve out that little bit of time each year to reflect, wish, hope, and anticipate. Bonus if I get to do that while sipping champagne.
Happy new year! Cheers to the endless possibilities of what it will bring!