Collin and I had an incredibly strong bond immediately after he was born. I’m not sure if it is because we are both second born, if I wasn’t just terrified of him, or if we just got each other, but either way we were inseparable. We were so close that when he was just a couple of months old, I had to suggest that Jason spend a little more time with him because Collin had no idea who he was.
Not long after my surgery, I noticed my closeness with Collin slipping away. I’m sure that he couldn’t possibly understand that I went through something and that it was only temporary, and therefore was not happy with me. I could at least explain to William that Mommy has owies and although he didn’t fully understand, he could relate them to his cuts and bruises. Collin just became more and more frustrated. He didn’t understand that when he needed held and comforted why I only offered hugs instead of full on cuddles and being picked up. He didn’t understand that when he was hungry I would make him wait for Jason to be lifted into his highchair. There was just so much he didn’t understand, that no 18 month old possibly could. It made me sad, but I forced myself to shrug my shoulders and just hope that we would one day reconnect.
Thank goodness that day came last week. William was still sleeping during his nap, but Collin was awake and playing. I saw the opportunity to have some Mommy Collin time. We ran an errand and he was in heaven. He was being silly and squealing and just overall enjoying going bye byes and being the sole focus of my attention. I didn’t really think much about it at the time, but looking back, that is the first time that we spent time together like that since January.
When we returned home, William had woken up from his nap and all was normal. Later that day we were getting ready to go to Nana and Bapa’s for dinner and trying to load the boys in the car. Jason tried to pick up Collin and he screamed “No, Mommy!” and reached for me. There have been quite a few times that this scenario was reversed and he asked for Jason over me, but I can’t remember him ever asking for me. He made my day and I happily carried him to the car. We still aren’t where we were, but I think that we are definitely taking steps in the right direction.